So you guys know that I’ve been battling depression for a while.
You may also know that I am currently in my longest ever relationship.
Two and a half years may not seem like a big deal to some people, but it is for me. My past relationships (if you can even truly class my couple of high school tonsil-tickles relationships) lasted a maximum of about three months before I became bored and broke up with them. I’m pretty certain my exes thought I was a heartless bitch and perhaps I was. I was too self-centred for a relationship and it’s something I still struggle with. After all, if you don’t look after yourself, who the hell will?
Continue reading “Being in Love While Depressed”
Have you ever felt suddenly so anxious and fearful that you find it difficult to breathe?
Have you ever felt this way for no apparent reason whatsoever?
Panic disorder sufferers experience recurring panic attacks, but have no idea why. Although it is not yet known what causes panic disorder in people, it is estimated that 2.7% of the population will experience it at some point in their lives. If left untreated, panic disorder can get worse and manifest in the form of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) and phobias.
Continue reading “Let’s Discuss: Panic Disorder”
Last Thursday I had an assessment/interview in London for a modelling agency. I passed the assessment, however it turned out to not be what I was looking for and I had to decline their offer.
However I can’t say it was a waste of my time or money because I met a wonderfully wise young woman.
Our assessment slots were at the same time so we got chatting. She was at the agency with her 5-year-old son; she wanted him to grow up to be confident in himself and therefore took him for some modelling. She actually did some modelling herself to pay her tuition fees when she was studying Medicine at university in Pakistan.
Somehow our conversation moved to how we both love writing and I mentioned my blog. I told her about my struggles with depression, and in turn she offered her own story with postpartum depression. That’s when she told me a fantastic self help tip.
Continue reading “Some of the Best Self Help Advice I have ever received”
I went to Berlin for a week.
To be honest, I wish I still was there!
Leaving real life behind for a new city allowed me to breathe freely for the first time in what feels like forever. There was no worrying about college or work or anything. There was just me, Phil, and a beautiful city that needed to be explored.
Continue reading “Oops! I was in Berlin.”
They are such cheeky boys! Poor Taylor hadn’t a clue what was going on!
I had a chat with my doctor, and he has recommended that it might be time to ween me off my antidepressants. The suggestion has left me feeling really apprehensive.
I’ve tried a number of different antidepressants over the past seven years of struggling with my mental health, including fluoxetine and citalopram. Sertraline was the first one that actually made a difference to my mood. I’m no longer bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. I was able to control my anxiety during my assessed presentations for my course. I can actually eat solids before an exam, which is huge for me. Overall I have become quite dependent on the way the antidepressants have flattened my negative moods.
The problem with sertraline, however, is that it flattens all of your emotions – not just the negative ones. It has put a dampener on my motivation and sense of achievement, which hasn’t helped with meeting assignment deadlines. I just don’t care enough. Another problem is that – like all antidepressants – they’re not supposed to be used forever. I have been on sertraline for nearly a year, and now apparently it’s time to try coming off them.
Part of me wants the chance to feel more motivated again. It would be nice to not feel so apathetic about everything. However I’m so scared of reverting back to the manic mess I was last year, who cries whenever someone asks me how I am, and has random anxiety attacks because I feel like a failure in life. It was horrible, and I just don’t want to risk going back there. But the doctor knows what he’s talking about, right?
So now I only have to take them every other day, and I have a follow up appointment in August to see how I’m getting on. Hopefully it will be okay, but right now I’m nervous.
Anyone who has suffered with depression knows how difficult it can be to reach out for help. Depression makes you feel completely alone in a well of hopelessness that goes so far down that there can’t possibly be a long enough piece of rope to reach and rescue you. So it can seem pointless or impossible to ask for help of any kind, especially when it comes to university. I get it. I totally get it. Continue reading “Depression 101: It’s okay to ask for help”