I told you that not all of these Reflective Fridays would be so positive.
Rain is knocking on the windows as I write this. I’m feeling unmotivated, fed up, and defeated. My student finance is still being processed, and so I’m what you may call broke. Skint. I’m struggling financially. Considering I prided myself on being relatively independent financially until about two months ago, I think it’s needless to say I’ve been feeling rather down about money lately.
It’s also cold. As you may know if you follow me on social media, I’ve been contemplating putting the heating on it’s that cold. But that costs money, so it’s been a matter of wrapping up instead. Not to mention the fact that it’s only September!
I’m sorry, Alan, but there is just no way that I’m putting that heating on!
My face is also starting to look a mess again. My dermatillomania seems to be peaking this week, and I’m struggling leave my skin alone. I’m trying avoid mirrors as much as I can, but I can’t stop my fingers from moving over the bumps in my skin. I’ve cut my nails really short to make it more difficult to pick, but those fingers keep finding a way. Keeping them busy with things like writing and crochet may just be the only way to stop them.
In other news, since I’m now in my final year of my degree, I have to choose a topic for my dissertation. I have two ideas for what to do, but I’m still not sure which one to choose. We had to submit a list of two or three ideas to our tutor this week, and sadly I received no feedback other than a star next to both options. So that hasn’t really helped to narrow it down for me. I’ll have to further brainstorm each option in order to choose.
I’ll also be applying for graduate schemes for the next couple of months, ready for when I graduate. I cannot wait to graduate! I’m so ready to finish formal education and start the next chapter of my life. It’s a stupid thing to do, but I can’t help comparing where I am in life to how people I know are doing. I feel so far behind in society, and I’m lonely all the way over here. It’s hard to describe, and it’s silly, but it doesn’t stop it from being my reality right now – no matter how ridiculous it may be.
Other than that, there’s nothing much to say about this week. I’m working on finding a better paying job to help get me through this year, but so far the hunt has been fruitless. Hopefully all the applications I have completed will eventually unearth something for me. Freelancing is another thing that I’m slowly getting into, so fingers crossed the money troubles will subside soon enough.
I hope you are all doing well this week. Let me know in the comments how your week has been, any achievements you’re proud of, etc.
And in the meantime, keep smiling.