So it’s all done and dusted for another year. Christmas 2013 has been put to bed and we’re just left with the leftover chocolate, booze (if you haven’t already finished it all), and the last few days to come up with New Year’s resolutions that we’ll stick to for all of twenty four hours, if that. So now that the dust has somewhat settled, I can be honest and tell you all the reasons why Christmas goddamn well sucks while cradling my box of Maltesers.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. But there are plenty of things that dull the sleigh bells if you ask me.
1) Christmas Shopping
I’m not even getting onto the whole “Crap, what can I get what’s-his-face for Christmas?” with this one yet; that can have a point all to itself. What I’m talking about is the shopping. I hate shopping any time of the year because of all the people, but Christmas shopping is a whole different kettle of fish. There are too many damned people on this planet, so for everyone to be shopping – stressy Christmas shopping – all at the same time…it’s chaos. And I really cannot stand it. I usually try and get my Christmas shopping done by about October, but this year I’ve just been too busy with deadlines and I ended up in the wave of horror. They’re getting in your way; you’re getting in their way. You’re apologising and excusing yourself, and they’re huffing at you because you’re the “ignorant youth of today”. I could go on and on about how the so-called adults can be just as rude, if not more so, but that would bore you all to tears. And me.
Who the hell came up with the bright idea of high school/college/university getting more intense as Christmas nears? I want to slap them about with a wet fish. Come December 1st, you can always be sure that my friends and I will share a look and a common thought: “Oh bugger.” I miss my primary school years where I could be genuinely excited about Christmas because homework was this thing that we hardly ever faced, and when we did it was to read this ten-page book, or learn the three times table. From as soon as you leave high school, you find yourself to be less like this:
…and more like this:
It’s depressing as fudge. Do you know how many all nighters I’ve pulled already this academic year?
And yes, it took me hours to do these animations because I kept getting distracted by how much revision I have to do!
Yes, that’s another thing! You can’t even breathe a sigh of relief once you handed in that last assignment of the year because as soon as you get back to university come January, you are smashed in the face by a thousand hammers known as EXAMS. It’s like, “Hey, you’ve all worked so hard, so enjoy your Christmas break…NOT! You have exams the week term starts – byyyyyye! Mwahahahaha…”
3) “What do you want for Christmas?”
As you get older, you have to really wrack your brains to come up with an decent answer to that question. When you’re five-years-old you have a list that reaches the floor with toys and rubbish you would use for ten minutes and then dump under your bed to collect dust. But when you get to about fourteen, it all becomes this stressful question that you dread to ask and dread to be asked. Everyone’s stressing out because it would make Christmas shopping a heck of a lot easier if we all knew what to get one another, but the problem is we don’t know what we want for Christmas. It’s a vicious cycle.
Just give me money! I can put it in the bank and use it towards my rent!
4) Some friends
Not all friends.
So the situation follows on from the last point: you don’t know what to get your friends, they don’t know what to get you. You’ve been round all the shops painfully searching for THE present, and you’re so proud because, gawsh – they’re gonna love it! You’re sure of it! …Well, as sure as you can be.
And then you open the present they’ve gotten you. They’ve known you for years, and they’ve bought you something tacky you wouldn’t be caught dead with. A few plastic bracelets, or a pair of white socks with hearts on them. Have they given you the wrong present? I mean, these socks are size 13 for goodness’ sake! Nope, that’s your name on the tag. You’ve been screwed over.
There’s also when you’ve put in all that effort into getting a pricey present for a friend you don’t see very often, and they open it in front of you, and that look of disdain comes onto their face. “Oh, I already have one of these,” they say. Oh, well rats, I wish I’d wrapped up that bit of roadkill I found on Newton Road instead. At least then that look you gave me would’ve been worth it.
Christmas really makes you wonder who your friends are.
5) Wrapping presents
I hate wrapping presents. Some people are really good at wrapping presents, then others are like me. I still wrap like a child. ‘Nuff said. It’s just awful.
6) The weather
Snow, wind, rain…I just hate it all. And I live in England, which means that for all but two weeks of the year we have just that. It’s like, “Surprise! Rain!” except not surprise at all because this is the United Kingdom for goodness’ sake! “Okay we’ll stop the rain now…and give you hail! Yay!”
I hate the cold so much.
7) Washing up
Now, the part I look forward to most about Christmas is the food. Golly, tea around Christmas time is like… You eat like a king. You’re more stuffed than the turkey! I love it!
What I hate, though, is the amount of washing up that needs to be done afterwards. It’s a nightmare. I hate washing up, but at Christmas there’s just so much more of it! Washing up will be the death of me, unless I can afford a dishwasher before that day of doom.
And that’s about it. All the things I hate about Christmas. I actually don’t know how people survive December. But despite all the bad things, there are a heck of a lot of good things that make Christmas not only the most stressful of holidays, but also the best.
So what do you guys hate about Christmas? Let me know!
Oh, and keep smiling!